Life Is Too Short

    This picture brings me a lot of conflicting emotions. For starters, I had no idea this picture was even taken. So to know that I had one final picture with her brings me joy. It also makes me sad as this was the last picture she would take in her short, but beautiful life. If you look closely at the picture, it also displays many emotions within the frame. The face I'm making probably explains my love I have for her better than I ever could in words. She was my world. The same way I look at Nani and Naia. It's an undescribable feeling you have when you become a parent. Anyone who is a parent reading this will understand what I'm talking about. You probably have pictures making the same face towards your kids as I am in this one. There's just a joy you get just by looking at them that can't be matched by anything else. Now if you look at Kahea's face, it's almost as if she is sad. Almost as if she knows that her time had come.  My mother took this picture, maybe 4-5 hours before she was found. She had come over to the house with my brother Courtney, so I could cut his hair. After he told my mom he was heading over to my house, my mom had a strong feeling to come see the kids. I'm glad she followed that prompting and came over as well, otherwise I wouldn't have this picture. While I cut Courtney's hair, my mom was with the kids outside, playing. After I finished, I went outside to grab the kids and have them say goodbye. While we were saying goodbye my brother Courtney started waving to Kahea, and she started waving back. Courtney then shouted with excitement, "Mom, look! She's waving at me! Mom, she's waving at me!" I looked at her surprised as Nani and I had never taught her to wave and we had never seen her do that. Little did we know then, that she was saying goodbye to them for good.
    Seeing her face in this picture and knowing what would ensue shortly after, makes it hard for me to look at this picture. However, I know the pain I feel looking at this picture, let's me know of the happiness she brought me when she was here. It's crazy to think that a human being that brought you the most happiness and joy in life, could be taken for granted. I don't think it's something I did on purpose, but looking back on it; I definitely wasted a lot of time doing things that are pointless in the grand scheme of things, rather than spending all of my extra time with my kids. It makes me think of the saying, "You don't know what you have, until it's gone." Except I think I did know what I had, but I didn't fully appreciate her. I wish I could have those moments back, but I can't... with her at least, but I still have Naia. I can say that I have tried to put forth an effort to give him more time and attention since Kahea's passing, because he still needs me. I'm still pretty bad and I get distracted, but it has made me more aware and constantly trying to be a better dad.

    If there is anything that I miss the most about Kahea, it would be her smile. She didn't smile a lot until she was about 7 months, but when she did it was special. Her last month to two months, it felt like she never stopped smiling. That's another reason I felt like she knew it was her time. She was so happy, even when her brother would annoy her. She would just laugh and smile. She had two different smiles. Her more common smile was kind of a smirk. It was as if she was trying really hard not to smile, and would be sneaky about it and would give way. Her other smile, usually came when she was eating something unhealthy, was as big a smile you would ever see. It was the smile of someone who was enjoying every aspect of life. Whether it was going grocery shopping, eating, playing, getting massages, getting beat up by her brother, etc... she enjoyed every minute of life. If I could take something away from her memory it would be to enjoy life. Don't take the people you love for granted, because you really don't know when it's all going to end. Life is a fragile gift. It's unpredictable. We could be here one moment and gone the next, so I need to appreciate every moment I have left. Most people that hear this probably think that this would never happen to them. I was one of those people. It's not a slight in any way, but it's hard to ever imagine anything so tragic happening to a loved one. You hardly ever hear about someone really close to you going through something like this, because things like this aren't supposed to happen. So I understand why someone might brush this off, or not take it to heart. Most probably won't ever experience something like this. I envy you, but for those of you that this does touch... don't take your love ones for granted. Cherish every moment of life like my angel did. Life is too short to hold a grudge, or to be mad at family, or friends because when it's all said and done; they're the only things that actually matter in this life. Your relationships with your loved ones. That goes for me too. I love and miss you Kahea. Daddy's flying with you.